Please
by CainaStarsong
Summary: Matt's pretty suicidal, and Mello wants to know WHY!. M&M oneshot. Mello POV


Matt's arms are scarred. I hate that about him. Not because there are scars, but because he gave himself those scars. Back when we were roommates in Wammy's, when I was _Mello_, that kid you pissed off only if you wanted to die, and _Matt_ was the only one who didn't die after pissing me off, I'd found that his parents were abusive, and he had scars on his pale back. Scared me to half to death when I saw them.

But his arms weren't scared until he was 15, I think. I swear, Matt is out to commit suicide slowly, because he's been smoking since he was 13, he started cutting around age 15, and he's living with me. That's pretty suicidal. But what do I know?

I've tried to get him to stop a million times. It's as hopeless as him giving up cigarettes and games. He won't stop cutting his wrists open. I'm not sure why he started, but when I left him at Wammy's, (despite popular belief, I did say good-bye, and I tried to keep in touch,) he started cutting himself, the little emo.

"Matt?" I asked suddenly. Nothing. "Matt?" He absently stuck the little DS wand in his mouth like a cigarette, because I wouldn't let him have those cancer sticks inside. "Matt!"

"What?" he asked, irritated.

I sighed. I was soooo used to get these short one or two word answers, and I was soooo tired of them. "Can I ask you something, serious?"

He sighed. "Don't quote _Our Town_, but sure, Mells, what do you want?"

I wasn't entirely one hundred percent sure what _Our Town_ was, except a great American play that I had never read. Apparently Matt had. I scooted a little bit closer to Matt, and lay my blonde head on his arm. His response was to save his Pokémon game and look down at me, meaning he was ready to _really_ listen.

"Why did you start smoking?"

He pushed his goggles up, clearly expecting something different, but none the less, he thought back. "I think it was because the day before you left chasing Kira you brought a pack back to try. You tried one and didn't like it. The day you left I tried one, and it was pretty good. So, I sorta had a few more."

I mulled that over in my brain. It made sense, but…"You liar!" I shouted in his ear. "I tried one and then gave the pack to Roger when he found out! He took away my chocolate, remember?"

"Ok, fine. I tried one from Lance, that night you hooked up with BB."

"But why?" I asked at a lower decibel.

"Because I loved you even then, and I couldn't stand it."

Great, his smoking addiction was my fault. "Even then you loved me?" I wanted to know.

"Yeah, well. When we were 13, you were apparently straight, remember?" He clued me in. "And then I saw you making out with Beyond Birthday."

I thought back. Beyond Birthday? When was… "Oh."

He sighed. "Mello, I saw my self-proclaimed straight best friend making out with some psycho! Did you think that wasn't traumatic enough? So, I had a cigarette, tried to forget about you until you broke my nose for smoking the next morning."

I thought back some more. "Oh! Oh, yeah! I remember that! Oh…oh..oh…shit, this is all my fault."

"Smoking?" He asked, slightly confused.

"Yes!" I howled at him. "Because that night I made out with BB, I paid him $80 dollars so you would get jealous then I spent the night in his room! Nothing happened!"

He blinked and an awkward silence settled around the room. "Really?"

"Yes!" I shrieked. "Nothing! I swear! It was to get you jealous!"

He sighed. "Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better. And I would've tried a cigarette anyway. I'd been wavering on the line about taking one from Lance. I was just bored."

"Ok…" I said, calming down and leaning against him again. But…wait…I wanted to ask something else. What was it? Oh, yeah.

"Why did you start cutting yourself?" I demanded.

"You left." He said simply.

"But I said good-bye!" I wailed into his ear even louder. I didn't want to believe this was my fault. Oh, shit, if this was my fault…!

"Yes, you did. But you didn't exactly tell me why. You came in, really pissed off, and started throwing all your chocolate and clothes into a bag. You said bye and you jumped out the window. It hurt, Mello."

I gaped at him. "So it was my fault!" I yelled into his already damaged ear. He winced.

"Ow. Shit, Mello, I'd like to keep my hearing!" He said, rubbing his ear.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"Yeah, Mel, it was sorta your fault." He told me. Matt wasn't one for comfort when he was irritated with me. And he was getting mad. I had probably damaged his hearing. He just wasn't one for sympathy. He was more a yeah-it's-your-fault-but-get-over-it-it-was-in-the-past-and-i-don't-care-anyway kinda guy. He wrapped his arms around me. "Mells, don't worry about it. It's fine."

"It isn't." I muttered into his shoulder.

He stroked my blonde hair. "Yes, it is Mello." He said, kissing the top of my head.

"No, it isn't! You're an emo!" I said, drawing breath to yell again. Matt's gloved hand smushed over my mouth.

"No yelling!" he said, pointing to his ear. "Hearing, remember?"

I nodded. "Ismoy!" I said, muffled through his glove. He removed his hand, but I grabbed it and held on to it tightly, so tightly I'm sure I was cutting off his circulation. "Please…please….please….please stop cutting yourself!"

For the record, I will never ever say please again.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Matt's always gonna make me say please.

* * *

A/N I didn't like this as much as I thought, once I was done, so I revised it. Alot.


End file.
